Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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