you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
