ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
