toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it hurts more in the daytime
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
