How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
