Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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