I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
