There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do herpes really smell.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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