Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
