New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
