hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
