Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
