his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
