I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
