M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
