I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
