Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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