Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
