you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
