i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
