what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
love makes seman taste better
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Houston, we have a squirter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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