After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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