I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
