I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
