Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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