You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
