There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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