let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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