John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
