last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
