# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
