I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Duck Duck Cougar?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I understand Curling. That high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.