How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.