if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh