mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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