your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
