wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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