She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
