Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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