Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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