Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
