So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
