I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think i have two assholes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
