nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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