Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
