goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
