i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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