I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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