I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
