She said her name was "party"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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