is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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