I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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