Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sex in a hospital.. check
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
