In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
