I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
