Porn is love you can see.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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