Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
