No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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