So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
