this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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