I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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