took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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