This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
